1. It’s okay to not know how to feel.

Last time I checked, there isn’t exactly an instruction manual that dictates how you are supposed to feel about an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps it will be really upsetting to you because it isn’t part of the plan you have in life. Maybe you will be happy about this surprise child. You could be sad, scared, shocked, elated, or even feel nothing at all. No matter what anyone tells you, it really is okay to not be sure of your feelings. It is a lot to process.

2. Explore all of your options.

Take some time to think and read and explore. You don’t have to make a decision immediately. If you consider adoption, learn about the differences between agency and private adoption, closed, semi-closed, and open adoption. Know what your rights are in your state, etc. If you want to parent but are concerned about finances or other things, look into community resources and programs, ask questions, or attend meetings. Make sure you can comfortably and confidently make the best choice you feel is right. 

3. Take care of yourself.

Along with stressing out, the one thing that was hard to do with not planning my pregnancy was taking care of myself, but I strived hard to do so. At this point, my body was not my own, and the inhabitant was far more important to me. I went to all my doctor’s appointments even when it was more tempting to take a nap. I tried to drink more water. I didn’t eat foods that were listed as unsafe. I tried to do things for self-care as well because my mental and physical health was still important. I won’t say that I was the best at doing so, but I feel that I got an A for effort.

4. Enjoy the experience of being pregnant. 

This is something I wish I had done more of. In choosing an adoption plan, I was scared to enjoy being pregnant because I was worried about bonding with the baby. But looking back, I wish I had stopped to appreciate his little ninja kicks. I wish that I had taken more belly pictures. I feel sad thinking that I took for granted the time I had to experience this. Being pregnant isn’t comfortable in the slightest, but I’d go back in an instant if it meant more time to experience him.

My unplanned pregnancy was one of the craziest and scariest times of my life. If I can share to help someone on their journey, I’m happy to do so. It might feel like the world is ending or you will never get past this time, but it’ll be gone before you know it. So take a breath (or five), and I wish you the best.

If you are thinking of placing your baby for adoption, visit Adoption.com/profiles to view hopeful adoptive parent profiles. 

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At this point, three years post-placement, my story seems old hat. I had lost both of my parents and was trying—for the first time—to live as an adult with a full-time job, a full-time school schedule, and first long-term relationship. Losing my mom had been a crushing blow, and a week and a half after her passing, I found out I was pregnant. Despite the love I felt for this child, it wasn’t enough to give him everything I thought that he deserved. My boyfriend and I decided that adoption was a decision we needed to make.

My boyfriend knew a little about adoption, but his knowledge stemmed from the law and process in another, very different state. Google proved less helpful than I would have hoped as well. But, perhaps this was all fated. When I decided to get serious about finding an adoptive family for our son, I opened up my laptop to Facebook. The first thing in my newsfeed was the adoption page of a local family that had adopted, and I decided to message them to ask questions and inquire about their experience. Within a few hours, I seriously loved them. After talking for a month and meeting in person, we chose them to be our son’s parents and have continued a relationship through open adoption.

None of it was easy. It was one of the hardest, most emotionally and mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. But, when I visit with my son or receive pictures of how happy and healthy he is, all that I’ve felt has been worth it. I hope that when the time comes for him to understand his adoption, we are able to answer his questions and be there for any feelings he may have.  

If you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, please know that you are not alone, and there are people out there who understand how you’re feeling because they have lived it. Try to find someone to connect with that can answer your questions and help you to better decide if an adoption plan is right for you and your child. Make decisions based out of love rather than fear, and I don’t believe you can go wrong. Visit Adoption.com/profiles to look at adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents and families.

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